In class essay #1 Defining the dream

Immigrants founded America.  For the past six hundred years Europeans, Asians, Africans, and Latino nationals have came to U.S. soil to create a new home.  Some came for work, new religion freedom, and to flee communism.  In Francisco Jimenez’s short story “Under the Wire”, he tells a story of a Mexican family’s journey to the famous California.  We will explore some of the reasons behind the California Dream.  Some are in love with the ideal of California; there are many types of dreams, the parallel of the same dream of Iowans as of Mexicans, and what happens when the dream goes bad.    I like the intro.  I'm waiting for clarity, but hope to get it as I read, about how you paralell migrants from the midwest to Jimenez's description.  Is that what you do?

     Francisco, a small boy who describes his life as a migrant child, described his father as saying “I did not know exactly what California was either, but Papa’s eyes sparkled whenever he talked about it with Mama and his friends.  “Once we cross la frontera, we’ll make a good living in California,” he would say, standing up straight and sticking out his chest.”  His parents had a surreal vision of America.  They felt that this land would bring great wealth, happiness, and a better life.  This vision that takes power over people like a drug is also described in James J. Rawls essay, California, A Place, a people, a Dream.  He states, “The California Dream is a love affair with an idea, a marriage to a myth, a surrender to a collective fantasy.”  This quote the same idealistic vision as Jimenez described of California being like heaven.  Start you paragraph with a clear point, not a fact or summary.  Your last sentence here is better as the point, for it connects most clearly to the thesis idea.

     Rawls analyses “that there are as many versions of the California Dream as there are dreamers”.  In Under the Wire, Francisco’s cousin said, “that people there sweep money off the streets” As a Californian I can testify that it is far from the truth, but it was a fable that this poor Mexican family fantasized about.  This misconception of California creating great wealth was also seen in an anonymous essay, Notes of a California Expedition.  “Common laborers receive $1 an hour, and carpenters are in demand from $15 to $20 a day!” These writings portray California as a pot of money.  Through all of the versions of the dream they all share one common idea, of a better life. I see a pattern with these first 2 paragraphs, which start with fact.  Readers prefer to enter a paragraph with the thesis related point near the top.  Review paragraph stucture (PIE).

     Looking for new beginnings many Iowans immigrated out west.  In then post-World War II years, the pre migration images of California held by former Iowans’ showed several reasons that they migrated from Iowa.  Denise S. Spooner published a diagram in the essay titled, A new perspective on the dream that showed 35% of former Iowans’ had a image that Southern California is a nontraditional land of opportunity.  This idea is the same as the Jimenez’s family dream that California held the key to a new life and choices.  The last sentence here again, best connects to the idea I was expecting in the intro.  Organize your paragraph around points most closely related to thesis.  Otherwise the focus of the pargraph (as it is now about Spooner), gets diluted.

     After the Jimenez family crossed the border they thought that their new life had started.  They thought that they would immediately begin working in the fields picking strawberries yet were disappointed to find that the fruit would not be ready for harvesting for two weeks.  The mother stayed true to the California dream and saying “we’ll manage, Viejo. Once work starts, we’ll be fine.”  She displayed a great sense of belief in her new country and was committed to then idea that it would provide for her family.  The children also did not lose hope.  Roberto, Francisco’s brother, pondered where the noon train came from.  He had been getting discouraged that his new land might not be the idea that they had fantasized about.  He stated, “This is California!” “I am not so sure, Remember what…” as he began to lose hope in the California Dream.  Just then the train traveled by them and the conductor dropped paper bag full of fruit and candy.  “See, it does come from California!” Roberto exclaimed”.  He reassured himself that the train did come from California because he believed that all good things come from there.  James Rawls had the same idea “California- Has Cream Gone Sour?”  He described, “California, Land of romance, becomes California, land of rampant immorality and sexual deviance.”  Both Jimenez and Rawls look into a negative perspective of the dream, what happens when the dream gets shattered.  In the case of Roberto when he lost hope he quickly twisted a new idea to recreate his romantic love affair with California.  Just as many other believers in the dream did as they saw California for its true self, accomplishments and faults.  Again, summary or information finished up by your point or explanation.  bring these ideas to the tops, that you'll compare Jimenez and Rawls. REad the sentence an ask is it information, Explanation or the Point of the paragraph.  The point needs to be at the top, followed by information and explanation.

     California is a place that drives many people to spiritual like faith.  The Mexican family described in Under The Wire, experienced several levels of the California dream.  The first is a love with the idea, second was the types of their dreams, third was the Parallel to the migration habits of the people from Iowa coming for new opportunities and lastly is the realization the dream might not be accurate to true.  All of the reasons that we explored other Californians that Immigrated to California also described in the works of the authors Rawls and Spooner.  Whether the dream is true or not it remains a fact the millions of people are still trying to migrate to California each year.  The California dream is a personal image just like heaven has millions of different versions, one thing remains true, and The Dream is still alive.